Celebrating Sickness

As I sit today and write this blog I am in the early stages of a cold. Nothing really serious, but a cold none the less. So, have I lost my mind or why the heck would I be celebrating being sick??

I have written a few times before that my husband, Jeff, is away for most of the winter competing on the Skeleton World Cup circuit. That leaves our two boys and me at home to run the regular and sometimes mundane routine of this life. I think this past 8 years has been the most challenging and rewarding for me, and I can measure it with sickness and health.

I am an extreme extrovert and need other adults around often to feel balanced. When my children are at school in recent years, I experience a high 'do or die' need for freedom, so being alone in those times is fine with me. This is how I function best, being with other adults or alone with no children and in my freedom.

There were many years where I was not as clear on these two things. Fortunately, I live in the most amazing community where there were a few other new mothers that were looking for connection. The four (and sometimes more) of us were at each other's home for play dates a few times through out the week plus some trips to the neighbourhood park. Those times kept me going more than I knew and I felt like I had the patience of Job, a Hercules Heart, and the parenting brain of Barbara Coloroso.

Then, there were all the minutes, hours and days I spent with our boys in our home or doing other activities with no other adult. In those times I have never felt so alone and isolated. Hard to believe that at a Zoo, crawling with people, I would feel alone and isolated. Inside my head everything would go numb after a while, like trying hear clearly with plugged ears. My heart would go into coping mode and start to shut down as well. I felt hopeless and, despite having more energy than the Energizer Bunny, I felt constantly fatigued as if no amount of rest and sleep would do. Sounds like depression, doesn't it? Well, that is not far from wrong.

When my husband would leave, and sometimes before he would leave, I would get sick. I don't mean just a little cold, I mean major sinus infections and strep throat. One year I had Strep three times in four months. Our boys were relatively healthy and would get sick a normal amount for little ones. I would be calling friends to come and help me with the boys some days because I just could not get off the couch I felt so awful. These were long and not very fun years of feeling abandoned, resentful and very much in victim.

I am so grateful for the knowledge, love and acceptance of who I am now such that I have set my life up around this. I know that I need people and freedom to stay at the top of my game. I know that we are a strong family regardless of where we are geographically. I know that I can create the life that I want to feel fulfilled and I will be healthier and happier. I know that is what our boys want, not a depressed and victim mom, even if it means I need to get a sitter once a week. I know that the path Jeff and I are on is very specific for us and we are being called up to much more. This refinement by fire has been needed to learn what we have learned about ourselves and our relationship, and it is so much better than it has ever been! I love my life and my marriage (going on thirteen years!). I still feel very sad about Jeff being away so much and I am gifted to have an end date of February 19th, 2010.

Today I am celebrating having a cold for the first time in about six months! This is HUGE measurement of how far I have come in my journey. Many times a measure of success or forward movement is not about monetary means. It can be a subtle mental or physical change you notice. Regardless, it is reason to celebrate so I am sharing this with you and having lunch with a friend.

Beyond money, what would a measure of success be for you? How would you know when things are changing? What would it feel like? Finding the answers to these questions is what I do with my clients every day in supporting them to create and live the life they feel most fulfilled by. Let me know when it is your turn!

Aly Pain, CPCC, ACC
InnerPiece Team & Relationship Coaching Specialist
Public Speaker and Emcee Extraordinaire
ph. 403-246-2399 fx. 403-263-8790 www.alypain.com aly@alypain.com
"Success is not external shining in; it's internal radiating out"