Intent and Impact

Intent and impact live in relationships everywhere we look. What I want to talk about in this entry is that they also live in relationship to each other and can not exist alone.

Let's start by defining intent. By dictionary it is a purpose; the state of a person's mind that directs his or her actions. We all have intent behind everything we do, whether it is conscious or unconscious. From the simple things like brushing my teeth for good breath and oral hygiene to recycling to keep the planet clean for future generations to enjoy. Examples of the unconscious intentions are harder to find in the moment because of exactly that, they are unconscious. Unfortunately, it is usually when I become aware of the impact that I realize my unconscious intentions.

What about impact? By definition this means to influence, affect or alter something. We are always creating impact in this world and in our relationships. It is only by our own perceptions that we deem an impact to be positive or negative. As Dr. Phil says, there is no fence sitting; you are either contributing or detracting from a relationship. Even if I sit as still as possible I have an impact by consuming oxygen around me and possibly giving off heat or absorbing it.

Have you ever felt hurt in a relationship and when you shared that feeling, the other person says, "But that was not my intent!" Well, I highly doubt that most people's intention is to hurt any other person. Yet just by the fact that you were feeling hurt, there was an impact. By the same token, there is never an impact on anything without having an intention behind the action that created it.

There seem to be relationships where there is only room to see the intent and actual impact is ignored or overlooked. Sort of like I am not willing to see what I do, I just want to look at how I felt when I did it. Can you imagine if that is way our world operated??! Only looking at why we do things and never at what we are creating (well, this is actually happening, but anyway)? Now, it is important to see and know the intent and weigh it separate to the impact for at least a moment, specifically if the intent and impact seem diametrically opposed. Not that that has ever happened to any of you ;). An extreme example of this would be an abusive relationship. The abuser will always say they never meant to harm, yet they are never willing to be accountable for the impact.

There are relationships that only want to take into account the impact and miss the intent. This would be like being guilty before proven innocent (hmm, also happening in the world). Can you imagine using this mentality on a child? Focusing only on the impact they created and never allowing them the space to speak, or be curious about their intent? We would have an entire generation of kids living in a decade of 'time-out'! The impact might not have been great, but we can never negate the intent behind it.

Let's take the above discussion further into relationships. If I always have an intention for all of my actions, which I do, and every one of those creates an impact, which is does, then what? Well, why not get as clear and conscious about my intentions as possible so to create as much positive impact as possible? And even if my impact does not match my intent, what about being accountable regardless?

This post is about bringing exquisite consciousness to relationship along with accountability. Intent and impact will always live together so we may as well get over it and get on with it. What would be possible for you in 2009 if you had a conscious state of mind that directed you to positively affect or influence your relationships? I believe it is just that that will change the world and it can begin with you.

Aly Pain, CPCC, ACC
InnerPiece Life & Relationship Coaching
ph. 403-246-2399 fx. 403-263-8790 www.alypain.com aly@alypain.com
"Success is not external shining in; it's internal radiating out"