I don't know if you are for them or against them. What I do know, is they are one of the greatest stressors of the month of January. Seriously! It is a proven and studied fact that January 21st is the most stressful day of the year because some people are three weeks in and over their heads. If you committed to a resolution or two and did not have some hard questions asked in the making and some solid support in the staying on track parts, it is not too late to clarify.
What is a resolution? Well, by dictionary definition it is the act of resolving or determining upon an action or course of action, method, procedure, etc., to make a firm resolution to do something. I am reading between the lines here and what stands out very strongly for me is the word change. Resolutions are about making changes and doing something different than the current status. Great, so you want to make a change, now what?
I am going to run you through the SMARRT goals method I use with my clients for any changes they want to make. Yes, I meant to put two R's in there. This is a simple and easy way to ensure you are on track and will stay there as we count down the days to 2010. Read on and you will see why.
S - Be specific. If you tell me you want to change the world, I would cheer you on. I will also press you for much more specific details about what that might look like. This is the place to really hash out what the change will be and the details surrounding that. What will it look like, feel like and sound like when you are there. What exactly will be different? This is important to be clear about seeing it is the 'X marks the spot' on your treasure map.
M - How will you measure this change? The best way to measure change is through something tangible. Weight and smoking cessation are very tangible resolutions. Feeling more joy may not be. Regardless what the change is you are looking for, there is always some way of measuring that if you look at it creatively. Without measurement, there is no accountability to the result and no place to celebrate how your are doing.
A - The big A, Accountability. I love this part of coaching. When my clients commit to something I always ask for an e-mail of phone call to let me know when they did what they said they would and what was their experience of that. You may not be working with me, so you need to enlist some friends/family to keep your feet to the fire. Written contracts work great here if they are going to be likely to buy your BS (basic stories) and excuses. It would clearly lay out what your common slime phrases are and what they are to say in return if you decide to take that path. This does not need to be the big heavy! Make it fun and choose your support wisely, your success depends on it.
R - Resonant. The first thing I would ask my client is "Why is this important to you?" What I am listening for specifically is a value. I am referring to a value as and experience that is important or meaningful; that is a driving force in my life and holds great significance. So much so that my client's overall well being is actually affected moment to moment as to whether or not they are experiencing this particular value. I believe we were all born with a very specific and unique set of values that when we are living a life that honours those values, we are aligned and feel incredibly positive. Likewise, when I am not aware of a value or not experiencing it on a regular basis, I feel angry, distant and even depressed. My resolution better be resonant enough that you can hear a change in my voice or see a change in my body language when I talk about it. Sometimes I need to work on finding a really exciting and juicy perspective that makes the entire process feel fun and not like a chore.
If you are embarking on a resolution by popular vote or because someone told you to, that is a big red flag. It would sound the same as a big should to me. Those are never good reasons to change. If the resolution is not aligned with your personal values, I guarantee you will not fully enjoy the process and the results won't last (enter the Yo-Yo). Trying to live up to your perfect self is a battle no one will win and they might die trying. Taking another step toward your highest and best self, that is what works.
R - Is your resolution realistic? Are you really going to quit smoking in 30 days or loose 20 pounds by Valentine's Day? If your entire process feels so big you will likely get overwhelmed and fall off track. Making a change in your life is not the place to also require yourself to be super human. There is a fine balance between that and selling yourself short. Here's my measure. I know a resolution is realistic when there is a slight hesitation or gasp in the bigness of it, but there is also a confidence in doing it. You may want to check with some 'experts' in the field to see you are on the right path or not.
T - Time. This is all the logistics and details of the when for your resolution. What resources are needed (people, money, education, etc.) and when will you have them by. There may be one step in this section or many depending on the size of the change. You may need to write one smaller time line and when that is complete, depending on the answers or availability of resources, you now create your second time line. This is the place to stay realistic about your time and find that balance. Even on some of the best laid out time lines overwhelm steps in a takes us to a grinding halt. Give yourself permission to recalculate time lines while still pushing what is possible for you.
My last point that I think is crucial to the entire SMARRT process, is the check-in. You must set regular check ins along your path. What are you checking in with? The entire SMARRT process I have written above. Change is a wonderful thing and often in doing so we shift and create awareness about ourselves. Perhaps your resolution has shifted, something is not resonating about it, you need to enlist new accountability partners, or maybe you are actually getting there much faster than you thought and loving it! Be flexible with the 'how' and stay true to the 'what'. I strongly recommend seeing your change through even if your 'how' has changed. You will have more information about yourself and increased confidence to take on the next challenge for having completed this one.
I wish you a year full of SMARRT goals and rich, positive change.
Aly Pain, CPCC, ACC
InnerPiece Life & Relationship Coaching
ph. 403-246-2399 fx. 403-263-8790 www.alypain.com aly@alypain.com
"Success is not external shining in; it's internal radiating out"
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